were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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