I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
