Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
