we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize