if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
