i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
