Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Welp...herpes.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
