Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
