My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
