I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
