I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
