had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
