cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
