whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize