It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
