Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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