I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize