I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
