Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
