drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
