I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
