I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
