playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
