I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
