Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
