When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Come share oat with me in your robe
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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