Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
