I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
