So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
