Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
