just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
