this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
