We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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