uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
