You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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