He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
i now understand why vodka
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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