I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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