Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
