The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
