It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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