Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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