If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
