perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
