can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
