why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
