You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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