dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
