Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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