Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It's official drugs can't kill me
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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