we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I want to be your penis for a week.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
