I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
