you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
