I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
