I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
