At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
