it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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