He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Randomize
