just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
