I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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