i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
