just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
