she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
