So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
