you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
