I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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