its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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