Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
