Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
