I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
