I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
