you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
