Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize