he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
