I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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