Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
