I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
