did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
