I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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