A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Randomize
