I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
