Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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