when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
