i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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