Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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