i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
