i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
