just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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