so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
