I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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