you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
