I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
