Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
