is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
