please come you make the beer taste better
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
