Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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