i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
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